


Searching

by Ana_Kagetsu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is like barely 2, Feels, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, No Sex, Pre-Series, Soulmates, seriously, so many
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_Kagetsu/pseuds/Ana_Kagetsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knows something is missing.  Something important.  And if he keeps looking he's bound to find it eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sure Got a Dirty Mouth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/411362) by [JustineDelarge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustineDelarge/pseuds/JustineDelarge). 



> This was inspired by the fabulous JustineDelarge's equally fabulous, epic Wincest novel Sure Got a Dirty Mouth. If you've never read it, then I highly recommend you do so. Go ahead. I'll wait. This'll still be here when you're done. 
> 
> Specifically this was inspired by her beautifully described theory of Dean and Sam being, in the most literal way possible, soulmates. The idea just grabbed my head and heart and wouldn't let go until it made me write this. 
> 
> This story has no direct relation to hers and takes place when Dean is a little kid before Sam is even born. So, obviously, no sex. Not even any overt romanticism, although you can certainly read the potential into it if that's your ship. You can also completely ignore that potential and see it as strictly platonic, if you want.
> 
> This story isn't about whether or not Dean and Sam will be "together" someday. This is about two halves of the same whole completing one another. Where that bond takes the boys in the future is completely up to them. And the reader's own imagination.
> 
> You can find me over on [Tumblr](http://anakagetsu.tumblr.com/)

Dean Winchester was a restless child. From the time he was old enough to crawl he was never content to stay in one place, fearlessly exploring every nook and cranny of his environment. John joked that he was playing a never ending game of one man Hide n' Seek. Mary would roll her eyes and lament that it felt more like a never ending game of Chase. Turns out, John was more right than he knew.

“Dean Samuel Winchester, get back here this instant!” Mary chased after her son as he toddled his way towards the forest near the park. She loved her son's fearless and independent spirit, really she did. But sometimes, she wouldn't mind if he was just a **little** less independent. She caught up to him and scooped him into her arms just as he was trying to crawl into an empty log at the very edge of the woods. “And just where do you think you're going little man?” She smiled, although an edge of exasperation showed through her tone.

Dean blinked up at his Mommy. She was making a happy face, but her voice was mad. He frowned and tried really hard to think of the right words. “Look! Dee look Mommy!” He waited, staring up at her with shining green eyes, hoping she understood.

Mary sighed and shook her head at the familiar answer. Dean was “looking”. Always looking for something. Always running away from her to look for...whatever it was. It had been a long day and she was hot and tired and, to be honest, a little frightened of whatever it was that kept drawing her son away from her. She set Dean down and knelt in front of him, grasped his tiny shoulders a little tighter than she intended and snapped, “Looking for _**what**_ Dean?”

Dean flinched at his Mommy's harsh tone. She was mad at him. Mad at him for looking. But he couldn't stop. Not til he found it. His face scrunched up tight as he thought and thought, trying so hard to find the words to explain. He had never heard the word soulmate before, and wouldn't have known what it meant even if he had. All he knew is that someone was missing. Someone that felt like part of him. And no matter where he looked, he couldn't find them. Dean was hot and tired and Mommy was mad at him and he missed the rest of himself so badly right now that before he knew it he burst into tears and threw himself into his mother's arms, saying over and over the only word he knew to explain. “Look Mommy. Look. Dee look.”

Mary regretted her outburst as soon as it left her mouth, guilt cutting through her as Dean flinched away. She opened her mouth to apologize, but before she could say a word, Dean burst into tears and flung himself at her. She wrapped her arms around her son and blinked back tears as she kissed the top of his head and whispered soothing nonsense until his sobs quieted down to unhappy hiccups. She stood, holding her son gently and headed towards the car. “Come on sweetie, let's go home. Want to play cars when we get there?”

Dean perked up at the mention of his favorite toys. He wiped at his face and sniffled back the last of his tears and looked at his Mommy hopefully. He loved all his cars, but there was a special one that Daddy had bought for him for Christmas. It was black and beautiful and looked just like Daddy's grown up car. “Dee play 'Pala? Like Daddy?” He gave his Mommy his biggest, saddest eyes, knowing she could never say no when he did that.

Mary laughed as Dean turned on the puppy dog eyes. She knew he did it on purpose, but still could never bring herself to refuse him. “Yeah, kiddo, you can play with the Impala. Just like Daddy.” She laughed louder as Dean gave an exited wiggle in her arms. By the time they got home Dean's tears were completely forgotten and he and Mary raced to see who got inside to play with the cars first.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes Dean dreamed. In his dream he was floating somewhere warm and white. At first, there was nothing but the white, but eventually he'd notice a soft, green glow and he knew it was him. He'd start feeling itchy and excited, like on Christmas morning waiting until Daddy said he could open his presents. Because he knew something wonderful happened next. Slowly, the green was joined by a bright light that changed from golden brown, to gray, to nearly blue and back again. The color wound around and through him, sinking into his own green until the two lights were one with no indication of where one stopped and the other started. Then came the faces. Boy's faces and girl's faces. Young faces and old. Each one different, but each one with the same wonderful hazel eyes that looked at him with so much love he thought he'd burst from happiness.

Inevitably, the dream would fade away and Dean would wake up crying, utterly inconsolable. Mommy and Daddy would rush to his room and try to comfort him. Mommy would hug him and tell him that everything was ok. Daddy would say it was just a bad dream and that Dean didn't need to be scared. They never understood, and Dean didn't know how to explain, that he wasn't crying because he had a bad dream. He was crying because every time he woke up, it meant he was alone again.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean was laying on the floor coloring. Several pages of white paper were scattered around him, covered in swirls of green and brown and gray and blue that wove through one another, overlapping, but somehow never losing their individual tones or becoming the giant, brown mess you might expect. It was strangely beautiful. Mary stopped to admire Dean's work on her way though the room. As soon as she stopped, Dean's head snapped up and he stared intently for a moment before his face lit up with the biggest grin Mary had ever seen on his young face. He scrambled to his feet and flung himself at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her stomach. She laughed at the excited “Hi!” that he murmured against her midsection. “Hi there yourself kiddo.”

Dean shook his head and lifted his face to look up at her. “Not you Mommy.”

Mary looked down at Dean, confusion and amusement written on her face. “Not Mommy? Then who are you saying 'hi' to sweetie?”

Dean frowned slightly, feeling the familiar frustration. At least he didn't cry this time. He was becoming a Big Man. And Daddy said Big Men don't cry. His brow furrowed in thought. He was older now and had more words, but they still weren't enough. After a long moment his frown cleared and he grinned up at his Mommy. He had the perfect word. “Me!”

Mary shook her head and chuckled at Dean's nonsensical response.  She smiled and humored him. “Oh, of course. How did I not know that?” She ruffled his hair and bent to pick him up, blowing raspberries against his neck until he was squealing in laughter. She carried him towards the kitchen as his giggles subsided. “Ok buddy, what should we have for dinner?”

Dean raised his arms above his head like a football player who just made a touchdown and exclaimed, “Pie!”

Mary laughed and shook her head fondly. “You always want pie. I blame your father, you know.” She continued to the kitchen and the house rang with the sound of Mary's laughter and Dean chanting “Pie! Pie! Pie!”

By the time Mary discovered she was pregnant, a little over a month later, she had forgotten all about Dean's odd greeting that day.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mary lay in the hospital bed, exhausted but happy. In her arms lay her perfect, beautiful baby boy. She smiled up at John, who leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “Honey, go get Dean, I bet he's impatient to meet his baby brother.” John nodded and, with one last kiss for Mary, left to fetch their oldest son.

When they returned several minutes later, Dean went right to Mary's bedside and stared at the bundle in her arms with wide, solemn eyes. Mary smiled and reached out to push back a stray lock of hair from Dean's forehead. “Do you want to hold your baby brother Dean?”

Dean's eyes grew even wider and he nodded enthusiastically. Mary chuckled and looked over at John. “Sweetie, help him get up on the bed with me.” John nodded and gently lifted Dean up beside his mother, helping them to both settle in comfortably before going to sit on the other side of Mary, his arm around her waist. Mary gently laid Sam in Dean's arms, murmuring encouragingly to her older son as he and his little brother met for the first time.

Dean took Sam and held him oh, so carefully, as though he were the most precious thing in the world.  As he looked down at his brother it was like the rest of the world faded away. No Mommy. No Daddy. Just Dean and Sam. And then, Sam opened his eyes. They were the same muddy non-color as most babies, but Dean knew what colors were behind that. Brown and gray and blue. And finally, he felt it: the other half of himself coming home. For the first time in his short life Dean didn't feel the restless need to move; to search. He had found what he was looking for all this time. “ _There_ you are. What took you so long?”

 


End file.
